'Po'-etically Speaking - Kung Fu with a Difference

Its quite the paradox but Black & White has never before appeared more colourful !!!

I am a big fan of animation films, especially those with a good story line. Within this genre, my favourites are The Jungle Book, The Lion King, The Sword in the Stone, Chicken Run, Surf's Up, Hercules, Alladin, and a few others. I will also add the recent 'Tangled' to the list which I liked. There are quite a few which I haven't seen and which I know have an excellent review rating, e.g. the Toy Story series, The Simpsons, Up, etc. I plan to catch up on these, hopefully soon.

But among all those mentioned above, I will put the Kung Fu Panda (KFP, not to be read as Kentucky Fried Panda) series right up there, not just for brilliant animation (which looks even better in 3D), but also for a wonderful story line and a most adorable protagonist.

The giant panda is a cute animal but Dreamworks has made it the cutest thing to hit the screen after possibly, the Pug, from the Vodafone ads. I am sure li'l kids would feel the urge to have a soft toy teddy after watching KFP2. I, obviously, am more in favour of the elder version, the big, fat panda, Po.

Po is effectively a role model for today's youth.

• He has a heart of gold, he does not think ill of even his worst enemy, Lord Shen (Peacock);


• He knows that his rotund stature makes him an object of ridicule but sheepishly accepts it and laughs it off; ultimately it is his fat which renders Tai Lung's (Snow Leopard) near-fatal nerve attacks completely ineffective;


• He is a friend indeed as he puts his own life at risk for comrades - by battling the formidable Tai Lung who proves more than a match for the Furious Five & Master Shifu, and by single-handedly taking on Lord Shen's entire armada of cannons and wolves;


• He is an obedient & dedicated student, and like Arjun, he seeks more than what his guru teaches. E.g. figuring out the Wushi Finger Hold, not taught by Master Shifu, and employing it with devastating effect against Tai Lung;


• Even after beng recognized as the best Kung Fu Master (Dragon Warrior) by his own teacher, he does not look upon the Furious Five as inferiors, in fact he respects them & seeks their advice and help at critical junctures;


• He has the ability to turn his greatest weakness (read food) & his greatest fears (confronting his rather tragic past) into his greatest strengths - mastering kung fu and finding inner peace.


• Most importantly, he realizes that things become special if people believe them to be. And even after realizing the truth about his actual parentage, he embraces his foster father, Mr. Ping (Goose), identifying himself as Ping's son.

Its no wonder then that with such qualities, he is accepted by the Furious Five (Tigress, Monkey, Viper, Mantis and Crane) as their leader. Even Master Shifu (Red Panda) humbly accepts that Po is superior to him by virtue of the giant panda having attained inner peace at a very young age.

Having said that, Master Shifu is also a prime example of a great tutor. He imparts all his kung fu skill to Tai Lung, whom he also raises as his own after finding him abandoned at his doorway. With such fatherly love in his pure heart, he can be forgiven for having unintentionally turned Tai Lung into an enfant terrible. Hence, he is a lot more mindful and stern with the Furious Five. Nevertheless, his teaching is so good that all five become Kung Fu Masters and protectors of the region.

However, with Po, its a different matter. Shifu realizes that he cannot teach Po in the same way as the Five, given Po's clumsy ways and awkward handling of kung fu equipment. But he is quick to notice that when inticed with food, Po turns far more active and is capable of stupendous physical feats. And it is this quality that a great teacher should possess, that is to not look at every student with the same magnifier, but to identify certain traits that set apart one from the other. The best examples in Bollywood are Aamir Khan in Taare Zameen Par and Naseeruddin Shah in Iqbal.

Lets return to Shifu. So after initially despising, ridiculing, and battering Po with his kung fu techniques, Shifu turns Po into a Master. And Po more than reciprocates by saving Shifu's life and defeating Tai Lung using his master's secret technique, the Wushi Finger Hold. This complex but endearing student-master relationship forms the backbone of this wonderful tale.

Bottom line, Kung Fu Panda is not just a children's film, it appeals to all ages. If you haven't watched it once, watch it twice, with your entire family.

Anthropomorphic animals have never looked better, never sounded better! China's rivers, valleys, mountains and greenery never looked as picturesque! Villains never seemed more megalomaniacal! But ... heroes never before looked so AWESOME!!!

CID saga

Is it Sherlock Holmes?... is it Poirot?...
My God !!! Its ACP Pradyuman and his fellowship of the CID.



Sir, yahan par kuch gadbad hai ... Daya darwaza tod do ... Abhijeet jaldi pata karo ... Freddy, Vivek, is kamre ka chappa chappa chaan maro ... Salunkhe tum case suljha rahe ho ya uljha rahe ho ... Wohi toh ... Ab jail mein sadte rehna, tumhe toh phaasi hogi phaasi

Armed with a delicious assortment of one-liners, spiced up with the chilly air of a murder trail, a formidable team of die-hard loyalist detectives, a high-tech lab of summon-at-will pseudo-Artificial Intelligence, and of course, a melodiously tremoring finger ... ACP Pradyuman can crack any case in an astonishing 1 hour time-frame; actually 42 mins if you ignore the commercials.

Its been a glorious 13 years and still running for the CID team, but ACP and team still relentlessly pursue a case with the same vigour and gusto as if it were their first. And this is what has turned the serial into something of a cult, and the protagonist into a legend among today's facebook-addicted generation.

I was never a fan, in fact I only sat through an entire episode in early 2011, but it has captivated me since then. On inquiring, I found that like me there were plenty of ignoramouses who are now steadily joining the ever-increasing fan club.

So, what makes CID so watchable, even after a decade? Here is my Sherlockian hypothesis:

1. The talented core CID team has remained unchanged since 1998.



The actors behind ACP Pradyuman, Senior Inspector Abhijeet, Senior Inspector Daya, and Inspector Fredricks, are today probably identified by their on-screen personalities rather than their own. Shivaji Satham is a very fine actor indeed, a legend in Marathi films. Aditya Srivastava has proved his mettle in small but effective roles such as in Satya (remember the guy who finally shoots Satya in the end). Dayanand Shetty (Daya) and Dinesh Phadnis (Freddy) are indispensable today; the former for his iron-frame and the consummate ease with which he breaks open the thickest of doors and the latter for his bumbling but thouroughly lovable comic timing.

2. The shaking finger ...



A picture is worth a thousand words. Period.

3. Dr. Salunkhe



The initially bald, but now well-combed forensic expert has proven himself indefatigable. He has, either invented or has been provided by the ludicrous imagination of the serial writers, an array of such equipements not yet utilized by NASA nor ISRO nor FBI to bring to light the most improbable clues that can direct a case to its logical conclusion. If there is a fingerprint to be matched, his desktop locates the match after scanning its terabite memory of a zillion criminal fingerprints all over India, nay the world. A blood sample is subjected to such acidic tests as never before discovered in medical history. A fluorescent spray that can glow hidden stains in the darkest of gravel. He is ably supported by a Dr. Tarika, who looks more like ramp-walker than forensic expert, but is believable enough. Our Abhijeet's got a crush on this lady. Dr. Salunkhe fingers around with his gizmos in such matter-of-fact manner that ACP and team can only balk and applaud.

4. The whizzy screenplay and the innumberable WTF moments



Yes, the episodes are wrought with flaws and sometimes devoid of logic. Just a reminder that all this is just a figment of someone's imagination. This however, serves to keep the viewer interested at all times.

Sample this ...

- An unclaimed toddler is found by the CID and scene cuts to the CID office where the ACP, Abhijeet, Daya and Freddy are trying to tie a nappy to the baby but since they are no pros, they fumble with nappies of various sizes, use duct tape, and finally the baby looks liks a dwarf-version of a tribal from the jungles of Mombasa.
- ACP and Salunke in the process of diffusing a bomb in the middle of a crowded street, Salunke finally cuts out the wire to halt the upcoming tragedy. While ACP is in congratulatory mood, Salunke sheepishly admits to doing an 'akka-bakka' to decide among two wires and getting lucky whereupon ACP fumes and frets but finally relents.

Typical episodes are however laced with screenplay that zooms from the CID bureau to streets to malls to garages to hotels to forensic lab, then back to bureau, all in a matter of 42 mins. THAT, keeps me engrossed.

5. Its easy on the eye ...
That there are no graphic images shown, nor any vulgarity, nor excessive violence, makes the serial watchable for every member of the family.

So next Sunday, from 2pm - 8pm, forget the IPL, forget HBO, grab your popcorn and tune in to Sony to catch the latest exploits of the legendary ACP Pradyuman and his CID team.



Garminyon ke mausam mein khoob khelo,
Garminyon ke mausam mein khoob khelo,
.
.
.
Daya in sab ke fingerprints le lo !!!

2011 World Cup Final - Match made in Heaven

'Na bhuto na bhavishyati' meaning one that was never around, and will never come again. Such can be said about the ICC Cricket World Cup Final played on Saturday, the 2nd of April 2011. A cricket match that will be etched in the memory of all present at the brimming cauldron of nervous energy that was the Wankhede stadium and of those billion plus Indians at home and all over the globe who simultaneously exploded in an immeasurable mass of raw ecstacy the moment MS Dhoni obliterated the six to seal India's victory over Sri Lanka. That the host nation won despite a magnificient century by Mahela Jayawardene leading a spirited fight back by the Lankans who then had India on the mat after dismissing Sehwag and Tendulkar, was the most amazing effort I have witnessed an Indian team showcase on a cricket field. No praise is too high for MS Dhoni nor any quantum of solace enough for Kumar Sangakkara but I guess both should feel immensely proud and privileged for having led their respective teams so well throughout a tournament which culminated in a final of epic proportions, one that will forever find its place in the annals of cricketing folklore. Dad was at the airport to take his flight to Singapore and I was on the phone with him, describing the events of the last over of the match and I vaguely remember screaming my lungs out - "yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh, we did it, we did it, we did it" the moment the six was creamed and for a few moments I could neither hear Dad's voice nor the pandemonium that erupted at home and in the neighbourhood. I have felt such exhilaration probably only twice before in the aftermath of a cricket match - Hrishikesh Kanitkar's boundary in near-darkness to overhaul Pakistan's 314 in Dhaka, 1998 and Mohd. Kaif and Zaheer Khan running like maniacs to overshadow England's 324 at Lords, 2002. In both matches, India came back from the dead to chase down mammoth scores and the recent World Cup final was not too different. Just that the pressure was exponentially more immense, it was home territory, Sachin Tendulkar's home ground, and over-expectant sea of blue at Wankhede and above all, it was a World Cup Final !!! I recollect now that as the match wore by, my catalogue of emotions multiplied as follows: Quietly Confident and Patriotic - at the end of our National Anthem. Extremely Confident - SL 30-odd for 1 post 10 overs amidst tigerish Indian fielding. Irritated - SL 120-odd for 2 post 25 overs, Sanga and Mahela rebuilding. Enormously Impressed but Panicky - Mahela makes a sterling hundred. Depressed - SL end at 274/6 with Zaks and Bhajji going for plenty in the last few. Asphyxiated - Viru gone for nought, Sachin out for 18, India 31/2. Worried - Kohli gone, India 114/3. Hopeful - Gambhir and Dhoni doing it nicely and getting us close. Flabbergasted - Gambhir needlessly charges and chops on, missing his ton, 54 to get off 52. Upbeat - Dhoni and Yuvi laying into Malinga, Kulasekara and Murali. Unbridled Exuberance - India win, Ravi Shastri roars, Dhoni finishes it off in style with a six. Deeply Moved - Sachin carried for a lap of honour by India's young brigade. So, between feeling patriotic and moving to tears, I, along with my billion other countrymen and women, entered the Guiness Book of World Records for the most number of emotions rendered simultaneously within the space of 7 hours. A triumph of such colossal magnitude takes time to sink in, and I hope it doesn't sink in, cuz I want to revel in this moment forever. It was definitely the best World Cup I have witnessed and the toughest and most pulsating for the ultimate victor. The might West Indies steam-rolled their way to two cup victories in the late 70's before Kapil's devils made history in 1983 on a day where slow and steady won the race against the quickies. Gatting reverse-swept the cup in Australia's hands in 1987. Pakistan, as erratic as can be, led by an astute Imran and two unplayable Akram in-swingers, came from nowhere to win in 1992. Jayasuriya's pyrotechnics and a brilliantly prolific Aravinda stole the limelight for Sri Lanka in 1996. The legendary Aussies led initially by Steve Waugh, then by Ricky Ponting, with their once-in-a-generation team of bullies smote aside all the sub-continent heavy-weights to win three cups on the trot before this one. But almost all of these finals were near one-sided affairs, the victor being proclaimed long before the advent of the final 5 overs. In this edition, India managed to halt the Baggy Green juggernaut in a hard-fought, nail-biting contest despite a Ponting scare, then body-slammed a mercurial but upbeat Pakistan in an over-hyped, politically overshadowed battle of nerves, and finally brought their best game on show against the unrelenting Lankans. In effect, I felt India played 3 finals, and were deserving winners with all these matches being extremely hard-fought and almost going down to the wire. On summary, an impressive aspect was the spirited performance of the younger generation, including Gambhir, Raina, Kohli and R Ashwin, under pressure. More comforting was the shouldering of responsibility by seniors like Yuvi, Bhajji, Zaks and Dhoni. Unabashed, stroke-filled conduct by Viru showed his indomitable spirit and killer instinct. And finally ... the pristine form and presence of Sachin Tendulkar was enough inspiration for the team to win the World Cup for HIM who for the last two decades has been and forever will be the 'God' of Indian Cricket.

MI in the semis ...

Phew ... so finally aaplee Mumbai Indians team have crossed the hurdle they missed in the last 2 editions of IPL ... and they are the first to reach the semis ... and who do they need to thank ....

No prizes for even attempting to guess ... Yes, its the Blessed One, Sachin Tendulkar !!!

One of the most ardent fans of the lil' master, but even I was beginning to give up hope as MI toterred at 30-odd runs with 3 wickets down, batting first against Rajasthan Royals on Sunday. Then God and JP Duminy got together to stich a small partnership and then JP fell to an ugly paglee swipe. Then God and Pollard (almost ran himself out before scoring) huffed and puffed and slowly got the measure of RR bowlers. And then finally, behold His Mighty Hand !!!

A pull shot here, A hook shot there, Here thwack there thwack, Every bowler blue and black ...
Oh Sachin Tendulkar had a blast, Eeeya Eeeya O!!!

And for the umpteenth time, Tendlya saved the blushes for MI with a grandiose, sparkling, and absolutely majestic 89 of 59. A deflated RR first decided to run each other out then got out in various other ways. Warne’s Royals lost for the first time on their home turf.

All in all a good team effort, at least in the bowling and fielding department. MI will be happy with that.

And as mentioned in my earlier essay, am going for another balcony darshan tomorrow!!!

Aala Re Aala ... Aala Re Aala ... Aala Re

I rarely miss an opportunity to watch a cricket match that features God (Sachin Tendulkar) on TV. So there was no way I was gonna miss the opportunity to take balcony darshan from within the stadium.

So when one of my colleagues offered me an IPL ticket for the Mumbai Indians vs Deccan Chargers T20 on 3rd April, I nearly jumped off my seat. There is an ignoble saying in the financial world, “there are no free lunches”, and here I was getting a three course meal, absolutely free!!! Yaa Jhakaas!

Match due to start at 8 pm IST, I landed at the stadium at 6.30 pm. No sirree, I was not gonna take any chances with the crowd which I knew would start pilling up within the hour of the match starting.

When I stepped in, the stadium was three quarters empty. But the playing field wasn’t and I had the greatest joy of watching some team members of the MI & DC team practicing. Adam Gilchrist (Gilly) has been one of my favourite batsman and I saw him at close quarters tonking it all over in the nets. One of his arc swings off a spinner landed barely 10 feet from where I was posted (Gilly repeated that shot in the actual match off a pacer). Also watched Herchelle Gibbs, Andy Symonds, Rohit Sharma and a host of others flexing their muscles before the showdown.

At the other end of the field aaplee Mumbai Indians team were going about pumping iron. By that time, the stadium got three quarters full … and God walked in.

Everyone in yogic posture. Take a deep breath … now let go.
Om Sachindevaya Namah!!!

The aura of SRT can only be best felt in an enclosed arena. The lil’ master had just about stepped foot on the grass when the crowd (including yours truly) went apeshit and started the mandatory bhajan chanting of His Name. On and on it went while he strutted around nonchalantly, unfazed by the screaming cauldron around him, hawk-eyeing the playing strip, now putting up his playing gear to face some mortals at the nets. The match had not yet started and I already had my money’s worth … but then I had already got a free pass, so it was just pure bliss!!!

Eventually the nets went down, the floodlights lit up Brabourne and on came the two captains for the toss … followed by another roar from the now jam-packed stadium, which must have shaken the very foundations of the arena. Tendlya won and chose to bat.

The start was steady with God treating us to some cover-driving, flicking and deft touching, straight out of the cricket text book. Sadly he got out after a quick-fire 30-odd runs off some 20-odd balls. As he walked back, you could probably hear a pin-drop in the arena, more evidence of the aura. But what I witnessed was good enough for me.

Eventually, MI looked the better team and the match was won even before the start of the last 3 overs of DC batting.
And after having my fill of balcony darshan I set off back to the land of mortals, all the while contemplating a revisit.

Imagine my greatest surprise and joy, when another colleague offered me a ticket couple of days ago!!! The match is MI vs Delhi Daredevils, who are looking very strong and it will be a humdinger of a clash.

So, 13th April is the day and I can hardly wait. I am so looking forward to Tendu’s charisma vs. Viru’s flamboyance. May the best team win … I shall still have my darshan!!!

Gunda - Review

There are two kinds of people in this world …. those who have watched Gunda and those who will watch Gunda.

A hundred-thousand reviews have been penned for this poetic genius of a film (why poetic, because every second line in the film rhymes with the next). So if you have already read one review, please treat this as another of the humble offerings to this masterclass.

Honestly, I have not seen the complete film. But then you do not need to. In fact, the greatness of the film is that even if you watched the film backwards, or from the middle or from any other part that you chose to, you shall not miss the story. Therein lies the mahima of Prabhuji (Mithun Chakraborty).

Gunda is a heartfelt rendition of the perilous path traversed by gundas before and after going to bed everyday. I did not know that such a film existed till about six months ago, when on the occasion of a colleague’s wedding, another colleague snubbed my knowledge of hindi movies.

From that day on, I have been trying to get a glimpse of this much-talked about epic. But since I am no gunda, I live a normal life of toil and fatigue and hardly get to catch up on the golden oldies.

Till about a week ago, when I visited youtube and clicked on the title “Gunda movie – part 1”. I have gone into a trance ever since and can see, hear and speak only gunda movie dialogues. I assure that anyone in my place would have felt the same.

I believe this film got completed in less than a week; it could have actually got completed in 2 days but I will give leeway for carrying the equipment across tarmacs, shipyards, coal mines, deserted muhallas and many other locations which are otherwise not actually required.

So it begins on a tarmac with a neta introducing us viewers to an approaching gunda by name of Lambu Aatta who is just over 4.5 feet. Such honour to the vertically challenged has hardly been seen in any other film. A murder later, the next scene introduces us to four gundas who introduce themselves as follows:

Mera naam hai Bullaaaa … rakhta hoon hamesha khullaaaa !!! (actor – Mukesh Rishi)

Mera naam hai Chutiya (tuft of hair, what were you thinking?) acche acchon ki khadi karta hoon khatiya !!! (actor – Shakti Kapoor)

Hum hain Pote, jo apne baap ke bhi nahin hote !!! (actor – Mohan Joshi)

Mera naam Ibu Hatela, maa meri chudail ki beti, baap shaitaan ka chela, khayega kela !!!
(actor – Harish Patel)


The poetry adds an assortment of colours to your face just as the swish of the artist’s brush adds colours to a canvass.

Next 2-3 scenes involve the killing of Lambu Aatta’s brother, Bulla’s sister and finally Lambu Aatta himself.

Immediately after Lambu’s death, the scene cuts to another neta by name Bacchubhai Bhigona (actor – Deepak Shirke) staring into the camera, raving and ranting about the killing and in the same tone snubbing Bulla:

Bulla tune khullam khulla Lambu Aatey ko maut ke tavay pe senkh diya … aur uski laash ko Worli ke gutter mein phenkh diya … lekin dilli se aanewale jis neta ki maine tujhe supaari di thi, tune use nahin maara, tune use kyon nahin maara?

(this entire dialogue is mouthed with such seriousness that you can only close your moistening eyes and clap)

By this time I was so engulfed with emotion (read laughter) that I could hardly go beyond. But then I had to see the scene where Prabuji made his godly entry. So I watched on for one more scene … and was not disappointed.

In the next scene, the neta from the first scene is killed by Kala Shetty, one of Bulla’s rowdy henchmen. Kala easily accomplishes the task by nonchalantly walking up to neta who is surrounded by 15 policemen and then as they freeze for no apparent reason, he knives neta and then runs off. But as he runs, from Vidhan Sabha to airport in 5 seconds, chased by the now recovered policemen, he is grabbed by an iron hand and thrown to the ground.

Camera zooms from right to left (twice) to show Prabhuji, decked as a coolie, at the airport!!!

After the mandatory ‘kaun he be tu?’ from Kala, a flooring response:

“Main hoon jurm se nafrat karne wala, sharifon ke liye jyoti, gundon ke liye jwala”


Beyond this I could not watch, but I shall make an attempt to over the next few weeks. As you can see, I am only through 6-7 scenes into the film and am already drained of all speech and quivering with emotion. Truth be told, you just cannot sit through the entire film at one go.

One other thing that is so powerful about the dialogues is the way they treat the word “maut” (death). Sample this:

Tujhe doonga maut ka chaanta (slap of death)

Chathi main ghusa doonga maut ka bhaala (spear of death)

Maut ke rath par (chariot of death)

Etc, etc, etc …

For the remainder of the epic, a few weeks of waiting is in itself homage to Prabhuji.

Clash of the Titans - Review

The biggest screw up is the title. For one, there are no titans in the film (in Greek myth, titans were the ancestors of the Gods) and secondly, the clash is really between Gods and men. I am sure the nitwits who proclaimed this title neither saw this film nor the earlier version, the title givers of which were also nitwits.

The movie on the whole, at a little less than couple of hours, is a decent flick, to be enjoyed with a bucket-full of caramel popcorn. The screenplay is rather hectic, as it falcons from Earth to Heaven to palaces to deserts to caves to Underworld and back on Earth, all in the matter of less than 10 days. Get the plot …

Ok, heres the précis.

A malnutritioned fisherman fishes out a casket from the sea to find inside a dead woman and an infant, who is immediately named Perseus by a fairy-eyed chick standing on the shore. Perseus grows up in a trice, from wailing infant to 10-year old masoom, to military-cut donning Sam Worthington, fresh from his earlier Avatar. Apna hero helps father fish in the waters off the coast of the city of Argos.

However, hero proves to be a bad fisherman, as on one occasion, his now-old father grinds calcium deprived teeth to pull up … an empty net. At the same time, the duo witness the desecration of the statue of Liberty oops Zeus, by the soldiers of Argus, which ultimately results in their death and sad demise of old fisherman at the hands of Zeus’s bro Hades. With badlay ki aag writ large, Perseus is led before the king & queen of Argus.

Cut to Heaven, where we are shown bearded Zeus in Shahenshah-armour minus the black, and Hades in bedraggled black. After some heavenly mumbo-jumbo, Zeus baritones Hades into teaching them puny humans a lesson in worship.

Cut to palace scene where Argos queen brags about daughter Andromeda being as beautiful as the goddess of beauty herself. Appear Hades all smoky and black (he really loves black!) and he turns queen into an old hag for such blasphemy. He also announces that if Andromeda is not sacrificed in 10 days then he shall release the Kraken (hold on to that name) to destroy Argos. Before leaving he lets Perseus know that he is son of the Shahenshah.

Now to save their already smarting butts, Perseus and dirty dozen soldiers set out to find a way to prevent approaching catastrophe. On the way, Shahenshah ponders fate of his son and tries to help him by gifting a sword of power and a horse with wings, Pegasus. Hero refuses the gifts and continues undeterred on foot (remember the badlay ki aag).

On the way the company fights with Calibos (the deformed but Hades-empowered husband of hero’s mother before she got tricked by Shahenshah) and giant desert scorpions. Calibos escapes after being thakoored one arm and after losing some comrades but eventually defeating the bicchoos, the surviving company is confronted by three even larger bicchoos. But they are saved by the Djinn, a race of tall witch-doctors in robes with faces resembling those of the Mummy, who tame the scorponoks and use them to camel-ride the desert.

And so they ride; our hero, soldiers and Djinn, all on scorpion back to the cave of the three blind witches who have only one eye between them that they frizzbee to and fro to see the world around them. After some chai pani with the hags, the company learn that the only way to combat the God of Black’s threat is to procure Medusa’s head.

For the blissfully ignorant, Medusa is half snake half woman. Instead of tresses, vipers crown her scalp. The Gods have pronounced a curse on her that anyone who gazes at her face be turned into stone. Moreover her adda is in the underworld.


Cut to underworld where our company is ferried across the river of dead by a skeleton and are confronted by the hideous sarp-nari. All except Perseus are stoned to death, pun intended, and finally hero does a side flip Rajnikanth-ishstyle and cuts off Medusa’s head by looking at her reflection on a shiny shield.

As he arrives from underworld with gory viper-head covered in cloth, he finds fairy-eyed chick (who by the way has helped company in many ways throughout the film till now) taken hostage by Mr. Deformity. Calibos kills chick and in turn is suitably rewarded for his efforts with a sword through his tummy by Perseus. Horse on wings arrives and Perseus finally accepting Shahenshah’s gifts decides to jet back to Argus … where time is almost up.

Now the climax.

Hades goes up to big brother and says that time is ripe for halla bol. Shahenshah thunders ‘Release the Kraken’ (now let go of that name).

The Kraken is basically Godzilla’s daddu without a nose, armed with mile-long tentacles, ninja-turtle armour, lots of teeth and heaven shattering roar. Somewhere in the movie, it is mentioned that this creature is so huge and powerful that the Gods themselves fear it … Godzilla is merely a baccha for this guy.

Meanwhile in Argos, princess Andromeda is fettered to be sacrificed and the citywallas around shout in all enthusiasm. This enthu crowd is soon aghast and shocked into disbelief (I positively saw one nerdy fellow defecate) as the Kraken rises from the sea. As daddu goes about turning the city to rubble, we suddenly cut to the sky.

Shahenshah starts feeling weak as the mortals have stopped worshipping him, and Black taunts him saying it was his plan all along to usurp the throne of Heaven. Zeus warns that his son still lives and Hades turns into lots of black harpies and goes after Perseus.

Meanwhile, hero on flying ghoda approaches Argos, combats harpies and narrowly misses being snacked upon by Kraky. Missing one dish, daddu goes for the other, a freely hanging Andromeda. Just as he comes, all wide jawed ready for bhojan … Perseus removes cloth and shows daddu the head of Medusa. The Kraken croaks, turns into a concrete building and then collapses into the sea.

Black confronts hero who instantly does a He-man (by the power of … ) and shoots a bolt from Shahenshah’s gift sword and propels Hades like a kala jamun into the underworld … thus saving the city, the princess and believe it or faint, Bhagwan himself.

Before credits role we are treated to a final darshan of Zeus offering immortality to our hero, who refuses and prefers to stay human (true insaaniyat this!!!) Pleased dad brings fairy-eyed chick to life and resumes office in Heaven, while hero and fairy fly off for honeymoon on their udta ghoda.